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Hi all, first I would like to thank Samantha for setting this up. Over the past two months I have worked up a huge amount of frustration and no way to relieve this. Over two months ago I started with stomach pains and by now it has turned into a full blown illness. I am not able to eat without the danger of throwing up, the only way to prevent this is to lie down after eating plus taking anti nausea medication beforehand. I have lost 9 kilo's and I wasn't overweight at the beginning. After these weeks I have added some other symptoms to my collection: blurry vision, feigning, insane stomach and abdomen cramps, headache attacks, itchy rash and of course the weight loss.
A 10 day hospital admittance with loads of tests didn't clear anything, as well as visiting the hospital before and after that. My family doctor is not taking me serious at all and tries to write it off as personal (psychical) problems. Tomorrow we're up for another visit to yet another hospital.
The reason I am frustrated is not even the illness itself, but it's the effect it has on myself and the people around me. My lovely husband is walking on his toes and not saying what he feels or thinks because he doesn't want to burden me. The result was that when I came home from the hospital I found him throwing up and crying his eyes out, out of relieve that the hospital didn't find a terminal disease.
I can't curl up in a corner and cry, that's not me. But I am on the spare energy by now and it's hard to keep smiling. I am so, so afraid that when I stop smiling I'll collapse which is a very scary thought. The only one that I have showed my real feelings and emotions to so far is my little sister. I live in a different country than my family which means I can only speak to them over the phone or skype. In general this is not a problem but right now... argh.
I am getting ready to apologize again to anyone reading this, sorry to burden you, but I guess I shouldn't apologize for once and just let it out. Thank you for reading this, thank you for listening.
Love, a frustrated Cylana
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