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Hello! I've been lurking for quite some time but thought I would finally post.
I've been having symptoms for three years and have been given the diagnosis of either somatoform or conversion disorder. Here are my most troublesome symptoms that have yet to be explained:
- Blurry vision in my left eye accompanied by pain. I have had a couple of days here and there where I've went blind in that eye.
- An unusual walk without any pain. I tend to drag my left leg and lean with my trunk.
- Dizziness, popping and ringing in the ears, fullness in the ears
- Upper Back Pain
- Headaches with a stiff neck and pressure at the back of my head.
- Tremor in my head even while asleep and in my right hand after exercising or when trying to do fine movements
- Tingling in my hand
- Electric shock sensations in my chest and head
I have been diagnosed with the following. Neuropathy (burning in my feet), Trigeminal Neuralgia (facial nerve pain), and Acid reflux. I was diagnosed with Benign Essential Tremors years ago but the last neurologist thought they were functional.
Medical tests so far haven't been helpful. My Mri's revealed a 4mm cereberal tonsillar herniation. I've had several neurologists tell me it couldn't really account for any of my symptoms. Ditto with two small disc extrusions found on my back MRI. I also had a slight ear caloric weakness which would point towards Meniere's disease although the medications I was put on didn't seem to help my symptoms. Unrelated, I think, I did have a collapsed lung about a year ago. The ER doc said it was most likely related to my smoking (I had just quit not too long before it happened). Other than that, I haven't had much luck with medical testing.
My doctors are trying to get me to accept the diagnosis of conversion or somatoform disorder but I'm a little skeptical. I realize I've had some depression in the past and I realize that I've had a couple of sad things happen to me and that's why they are pointing me in that direction. And I'm aware that with 2 MRI's, five neurologists, and clean bloodwork, I must look like an absolute nutcase. I realize it must be as frustrating for them as it is for me. But, I'm skeptical because my symptoms don't seem to be made worse by stress. Also, I am very good about voicing my emotions with friends and family. There isn't anything in the world I feel I can't talk about with someone and when I feel stressed or blue, I just call a friend or family member and feel better almost immediately after hearing their voice. And if somataform disorders are a physical manifestation of depression and anxiety, I can't imagine what I'm depressed or anxious about.
I've been sent to a therapist who wants me to go on a round of heavy anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications. I'm a little upset since my tremors are made worse by these types of medications. Also, because I've had to quit work, I've decided to go back to college and finish my degree. I just feel like now would be a really bad time to put me on a handful of mind altering drugs when I am trying to cope with the symptoms I already have.
I'm trying to remain open minded but I still feel like something is just "off." It just seems like three years ago I was relatively normal and suddenly, I have all these problems. My therapist is doing her best to convince me that someone can feel happy and relaxed but actually be anxious and depressed. I can't say I agree with her, but, like I said, I'm trying to keep an open mind. But I don't want to be so open minded, my brain falls out and I'm in a constant Xanax/Ambien/Prozac induced fugue.
Honestly, I've decided I don't really care anymore. Sure, I get self conscious when people stare at me hobbling and shaking. And it's infuriating when people who barely know me ask what's wrong with me. I don't have an answer myself. But, whatever is going on with me, it's obviously not going to kill me. I've tried to get over being self-conscious and just try to get on with my life. But my husband still thinks there's "an answer" out there and wants me to keep trying.
Thanks so much for reading! I hope you're having a pain free day!
- Amy
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