How do you not just give up?

[Keilia]

I do not know how to continue. It has been one of those days. I am having symptoms that are quite serious - I belong  in the hospital. I cannot even care for myself anymore. Most days I can't even get dressed at all. My depression is getting worse - simply because I am so sick, and the idiot doctors do not seem to even CARE. I do not want to give up. I want my life back. I want to be able to go on a walk. A simple walk - why is that too much to ask? Why is one day without excruciating pain too much to ask? One night of good sleep? To be able to cook and clean so my husband doesn't have to do it? He does so much already - Works full time, takes care of Bobby, cooks and cleans...and takes care of me. How much can I expect of him? He never complains at all - bless him, I love him so much.

I am just so frustrated I do not know what to do anymore.

 

[Jenny]

Keilia, please stay strong! You're not alone in this..

[Samantha]

Keilia big    sweety I know how hard it is, and some days are worse then others.
Be strong you'll get through this
 
Sammy

[Keilia]

Thanks guys. I know I will, its just...one of those times wheere I feel hopeless.   

[ohtobehealthy]

What doctors dont understand is when you get to the point you are SO sick all the time you become depressed from the SICKNESS not the other way around and that just so makes me angry! Living this way takes so much everyday. I have told my husband so many times its a good thing I am so strong willed because I feel like I am suffering nearly everyday and I am tired of this and tired of being in my body and if I was not as strong as I am.. I would end up just comitting suicide. As much as I hate to say that.. its true. I dont know how I even do this anymore... hang in there Keilia.. your not alone! 

[Keilia]

Kristin I feel the same way. I do NOT want to die, but the suffering - which was once unimaginable to me - is so bad. If just ONE doc would care enough to at least TRY to find out what is wrong, it would help so much. Yep, I was depressed before I got sick - but not like this. Not being mobile or even able to care for yourself tends to create it  or make depression MUCH worse. 

[Jenny]

I've been thinking alot about suicide too..but I don't know if I have the will to do it. It's horrible to think of such things, but it's sort of nice to think of the peace that would come afterwards. No more doctors, tests, suffering. Not having that huge question mark looming over my head anymore.. but what's more scarier than death is what your loved ones have to deal with afterwards..

I think suicide is somewhat a selfish act.. a permanent solution to what could be a temporary problem..
Saying that, I think that once I die, I will be at peace. That's one thing that I am sure of.

[Keilia]

I agree. I do not think I'd ever do it because of the unnecessary suffering it would inflict upon my family and friends. But the desire to stop the pain is very great. So the thought has been there - but I also know I'd never do it.

[ohtobehealthy]

I think the main reason why I would never commit suicide is because of my spiritual/religious beliefs. If I didn't have that though.. I probably would.. well that and such a wonderful husband that gets me through the day, whom btw I miss terribly today. 

[Samantha]

Having family and friends support (including my family here  ) is what gets me through.
BUT also..........
Although not the best way to cheer oneself up   I watch a few Medical shows about people suffering health problems, and I tell you what you'd think your own are so minor in comparison to some of these poor people..
some can't walk
some can't talk
some can't even eat
they need help with everything in life.

I know it doesn't help when we are all in some much pain BUT this helps me view life differently.
I'm a strong women who will get through this and one day find the answers to this Undiagnosed Condition.
 
Sammy

[Keilia]

I used to have religious issues with suicide, but not really anymore. I won't do is only because of the pain it would inflict upon my loved ones. That and I do not want to die. But GAH this sucks!

[Jenny]

LOL this sucks for sure Keilia..

At least we're in this together 

[Jenny]

I agree with you, Sammy.

There's people out there far worse off than we are..
But sometimes, I compare myself with my healthy friends and I get really jelous LOL..I can't help myself lol 

[Samantha]

So true Jenny  
But for me it's not comparing, it's when people say "How about we go here or there for the day" and don't realise how much hard work and suffering that is for me   and when I explain that some times I need to lay down to get the pressure of my ribs and they offer the back seat of the car, or their lounge etc I feel just awful and want to be in the comfort of my own home and not miserable out and about, but they JUST DON'T GET IT   really no idea how much pain one day out can cause 

I do make an effort more so with immediate family because they understand and take it slow, plus the comfort factor knowing they can pick up when I'm not doing so well and offer support. It's very important to get out and about but people have no idea just how tough it can be 

 

[New28]

What hurt me most was when my parents offered to take me out, I'd say no, and then they'd grumble and yell at me for staying in all the time. They never understood that all I could see was the pain and exhaustion of trying to walk out to the car, and these awfuls wouldn't go away for 24hrs at least.

I tried, I really did. I drove myself so close to complete exhaustion so often, I tried to be normal!