My life hasn't been happy dandy.. Ever..
I guess something I have gone through might kind of be like what you guys are going through.. Maybe not as bad as yours.. But here I'll tell you and you let me know what you think!
I'll start by letting you know that I'm 18, nearly 19.
I think it started when I was 17. I was living with my fiances (Brad) parents as I had got kicked out of home and yeah yeah that's another story.
Anyway, I started to have what I called "panic attacks". Now when you hear of a panic attack, you think of someone shaking and blacking out.. Heart racing etc etc. I had all of this.
I thought nothing of it really. Brad was telling me I was stressed and I just told him to talk to me while I was having a panic attack and I usually snapped out of it quite quickly.
But one day, it all got much worse. I started seeing things and freaking out beyond belief. I remember once I could see spiders everywhere and I was hystericlly telling my friend on the phone that I was only safe if I was sitting on my pillows. At this point, Brad told me to go to the doctors. I think they just told me I was stressed and to get more sleep and I would be fine. They didn't prescibe sleeping pills, they just told me to sleep more. Anyway. I tried to sleep more. I tried to over do my day just so I would sleep more at night. Even though I personally thought I slept enough!
These panic attacks weren't backing off. They were getting worse. They were constantly increasing. This is where it all becomes a bit of a blur. I started to not know what was happening during these attacks. Brad was my only source of information to the happenings. He began to tell me that I was kinda like changing personallity. Like Split Personallity Disorder. I looked it up on the interent and I seemed to have all the symptoms... So back down to the doc to let him know what I thought. He refered me to some women that cost me $170 bucks! I think she was a pshyc or something. We sat down and she asked me a million and one questions and with the help of Brad she decided that she didn't know what was going on. K good thanks mate, thanks for wasting my time and damn money. >:(
I started to stop wanting to go to the doctor because they weren't doing anything at all!
Brad started telling me that I seemed to be developing more personallitys. Sometimes I'd be out of it for ages and just be switching between girls. He told me all these girls had their own personallity, voice and story of how they died.
He said it was like I was posessed. Scary shit. Brad let me know that one of my "personallitys" was trying to kill him. I started waking up to sore wrists and belly from where Brad had sat on me to pin me down to prevent himself from being hit with baseball bats and strangled. Eventually my idiot doctor refered me for a CT scan on my brain. Which came up neg. Also an ECG I think that's what it was. Which came up within normal range. So they sent me to a councellor.. Great. I hate hate hate with a passion councelling.
They decided they would talk about everything but what was wrong with me. I eventually stopped turning up. Being a minor it didn't cost me anything so I didn't care.
I went back to the doctor, this crap still getting worse. Brad getting irritated and thinking I'm looking for attention. Sometimes I was alone during these attacks and managed self infliction and I caught myself trying to kill my cat. I told my doctor to send me to the hospital psyhc ward as I didn't want to be hurting people anymore. If they weren't going to treat me, I at least wanted to be out of the way of hurting people. He refered but they didn't admit me.. Instead they made me see someone else. She was quite nice and she sad that it seems that I could possibily have dissociation.
Dissociation is a state of acute mental decompensation in which certain thoughts, emotions, sensations, and/or memories are compartmentalized, diagnosed mostly in individuals with a history of trauma. Dissociative disorders are commonly precipitated by overwhelming stress. This stress may be provoked by seeing or experiencing an accident, a disaster or a traumatic event, including sexual abuse.
That's the meaning of it anyway. (
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dissociation_(psychology))
So considering I had nothing in my past. They still had no idea what the matter was. I saw another doc and they said I seem pshycotic. Great. If you've seen "Hide and Seek", that's a similar thing of what I was going through according to Brad.
Another doctor said I was looking for attention. (She got a peice of my mind)
And another said I had depression..
Never once was I prescibed anything.
Eventually this weird shit started to fade away... How an illness fades away is beyond me. (Baby wiggling in my lap, typing with one hand sucks) So yeah. I fell pregnant and all his stress caused me to miscarrige. But after my surgery, I had 1 panic attack. Just normal shaking. Then I've had several small ones since then. But it seems that something with that miscarrige took away what was happening... Weird huh.
Then I fell pregnant again. My doctors were telling me to abort incase something happened. I changed doctors.
They stopped trying to figure out what was wrong. Even though I still get the odd attack.
My new son is 9 weeks and I've only had 1 attack since he was born...
So I put it down to dissocitaion, but am still not sure. Hopefully my bubba doesn't have anything wrong with him. =/