Despite all the things going on in my life, I try really hard sometimes to still do fun things occasionally, ya know go out with friends, go on a date, family time.. things like that. but whenever i do, i just feel so.. i dunno just my heart isnt into it. my mind is on other things. when it comes to dating i feel so guilty, cause i know it's in my nature to feel outrageously confused, and i cant figure out if i even like the girl. and i feel bad about letting the relationship progress at all, knowing it just wont be fair. cause i cant answer "how i feel" or even "what i think".  i.. i dont know how to relieve my symptoms. i cant even convince myself that i have any half the time. i'm falling apart over here. and have become completely unable to have any sort of social life despite my best efforts. now i just get so nervous around other people, and i'm so anxious about what to say cause the only thing going on in my life is doctors visits, and we all know how good that goes over. after about the 6 month mark people stop believing you, or dont want to hear it anymore.. i just wish i would wake up tomorrow and it would all be a dream.. this site didnt exist, everyone here never had to experience this nightmare.. this endless abyss of abandonment and despair. i am seriously running on empty.. i feel sick to my stomach just from thinking.. this has been the worst week ever.... and it was suppose to be the best...
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If you have to ask, you are not ready to know -
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