Happy new year everyone. I wish us all a better year, with understanding and competant doctors, family that gets it and tries to help us without being patronizing, enough energy to do what we can, enough strength to endure what we must, and enough love to keep us from being bitter. I myself went to a friend's house for a party to ring in the new year, It was much fun with many friends and lots of laughter. All went well until shortly after midnight when I had a bit of a pain attack. For no apparent reason, my pain skyrocketed from manageable 4 to a oh-my-goddesss- I-can't-breathe-and-have-tears-streaming-down-my-face high 9. Generally, that only lasts a few mintues then I can breathe again, move again, function mostly. But not last night. Last night, after 45 minutes, I just wanted to die. Literally, if someone would have handed me a shotgun I would have cried in happiness. I finally had to beg my friends to bring me home. I couldn't even stand up or walk without help. I was leaning most of my weight on my friend and taking tiny mincing steps. eyes closed, tears running like a faucet. 2 percoset and 2 hours with the heating pad later, I was able to get it to calm enough for me to sleep. Damn it all to everlasting bloody hell! I want to be better! I want to be normal again and not be a freak! I want to be able to do normal things and not have to stay home or leave early. 
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