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Today was just plain lousy all the way around. it started last night. Insomnia. I would lie down, toss and turn for a while and get up. I went through this all night. The pain was obnoxious, but I didn't want to take much medication, especially as the wee hours wore on. I didn't want to knock out and miss my alarm and be late for work. So, I was up all night.
I had a brief momentary thought of calling in to work sick, but decided to suck it up and go in. *sigh* Some days, it's just not worth pulling the covers off of your head.
This morning it was -11 below zero F here in Colorado. I went out to start the car and warm it up. While it warmed, I was scraping the ice off the windows and windshield. I finished scraping and went to get inside my nice toasty car... only to discover I somehow managed to lock the door. Running car, locked up tight. I couldn't go back in the apartment as my keys were locked in there too, along with my purse. The office doesn't open until 9, so I had no place to go warm up. However, luckily for me, I don't put my cell phone in my purse - I carry it in the right side of my bra. Don't laugh, dang it. My Gran always told me the girls ought to be useful as well as decorative, and well, when a girl wear a 44DDD bra, you can stash all kinds of goodies in your girls! Anyway, I digress. So I called Papa, and told him what happened. I asked if he could either call me a locksmith or bring me the spare key. He decided to bring the key and save the smith fee. I called Karen who I work with to let her know I was running late because I'm a world class jackass. Turns out she was running behind too, and she lives up near Papa, which is about 20 miles from me. She offered to meet him and bring the key since work is close to me (only 6 miles) so Papa didn't have to drive all the way across town. Papa is 75 so, that was very sweet of her. I had to wait outside in the below zero cold for an hour before she arrived. I was beginning to think I would never feel my toes again! Ah well, at least I had my smokes in my jacket pocket, and not in my purse in the car...
Karen arrived to resuce my dumb ass, and we stopped a a bagel shop to grab food so I could take my meds when I got to work. As I have mentioned, if I don't eat with the Effexor, it makes me sick to my stomach. As I got out of the car at work, I grabbed my bagel, but the bag it was in ripped and it fell on the ground. Great.... Aw the hell with it, I thought. I picked it up, dusted the snow off of it and ate it anyhow. Mmmm... snow, sand, & bagel, what a combo...
I got called into my bosses office as soon as I got there. I figured I was going to get yelled at for being over an hour late. Instead, he let me know that I was not selected for the interview I interviewed for last week. I was both disappointed and relieved at the same time. Disappointed because well, a promotion is a good thing, right? Relieved because I was not sure if I could really tackle a huge new job with everything else that is going on right now with me. I love what I do now, which is basically a help-desk type of position. I'm lucky because it's a desk job and it's all email and phone calls, and I make decent money. Not fantastic, but enough to not struggle paycheck to paycheck and to put some into savings for "in case". If I was working physical labor like I was a few years ago, I would have had to quit my job a long time ago because I would not be able to do it physically. Even riding a desk can feel like too much some days.
The afternoon was mostly ok... until the pain came back with a vengence around 4pm. Almost in tears, trying to get through my last hour at work sitting at like a level 8 and trying to smile and not let anyone see. I know that technically it is illegal for them to fire me for being sick... but it's amazing how "reasons" can appear when they know what is really going on with you, isn't it? I took a Tramadol and prayed for the clock to speed up.
On the drive home it took me an hour which normally takes 15 minutes because of the icy roads and dumb people who spun out or wrecked on the icy roads.
I finally made it home about 6:15 and took another Tramadol and a long hot bath to try and mellow out. No good, pain not abating with the bath tonight. Some nights it helps, but not tonight.
I called Papa and talked to him for about an hour and a half. We talked about the pain, and the moments of suicidal thoughts. We talked about Gran and how I can finally understand how she felt near the end when she would say she just didn't want to be here anymore. The great thing about Papa is he listens, accepts, and never judges. He is the calmest, most loving, most genuine and sincere person in the world and I absolutely would be lost without him. When everything else goes to hell in a handcart, Papa is my rock. I can talk to him about almost anything.
So, I took my Effexor, 2 more Tramadol, and ate some Ramen noodles around 10. Here it is midnight... still awake, not tired at all even though I should be so tired I can't see straight. Pain is still sitting around a 5 or 6, in spite of the meds. I am trying not to take more... but... damnit... I am about ready to go grab one of my last remaining Percosets and let it push me into sleep.
:signs131
Anyhow... today was best described in 2 words - - Epic Fail
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