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what a horrible day... I've felt so awful today. I try so hard to push through and keep on going, but days like this.. i mean nothing really happened but i just, i get to thinking, my thoughts race like a thousand miles an hour and like everything that's happened the past 3 years just floods into me and it puts me into this god awful mood. and i try to keep busy so this doesnt happen, but it doesnt help..
i'm... i'm just soo tired. i really am.. i'm soo tired of feeling sick, soo tired of feeling lost and confused, so depressed that it makes me even sicker, but more than that.. i'm soo tired of trying so hard to get back up on my feet only to watch my life fall apart over and over again..
i look back and see all the things that this illness has taken away from me, the way it has absolutely destroyed me in every single way.
i try so hard to stay upbeat, but, whenever i'm around people.. i can see in there eyes how much they enjoy life. there friends, girlfriends, laughing, smiling, family, love.. and it breaks my heart every time. i feel i've become soo withdrawn these days.
i dont know what to do.. i'm at wits end.
this abyss only seems to get deeper.. i can feel myself becoming increasingly desperate. i just want the pain to go away. and i'm becoming more and more scared someday.. someday i just might break...
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If you have to ask, you are not ready to know -
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